Get the Rules of Engagement For When She’s Cheating, Says She Doesn’t Love You, or Filed for Divorce – https://training.empoweredman.co/30dvslyt?el=podcast
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In this episode, Mark changes the format to a Q&A style, inviting listeners to ask questions and engage in a coaching environment. He emphasizes the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships, focusing on self-protection rather than trying to control others. Mark discusses various aspects of dealing with marital challenges, including co-parenting under the same roof, navigating open relationships, and coping with the pain of infidelity. He encourages listeners to lean into their emotions, grieve, and communicate openly with their partners as values evolve in a marriage.
Episode Summary:
- Empowerment and coaching for men. 0:03
- Mark Santiago welcomes listeners to Empowered AF 2.0 and invites them to ask questions on various topics related to personal growth and self-improvement.
- Mark Santiago plans to answer questions from listeners live on the call and provide coaching, making it a fun and interactive experience for those participating.
- Setting boundaries in a marriage after separation. 2:36
- Michael emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries for oneself, rather than using them to control others.
- He advises against weaponizing boundaries and instead focuses on creating mutual respect and submission in a marriage.
- Mark: “If she doesn’t want to be with you, she doesn’t want to be with you. Anything you do to try to force her back is manipulation.”
- Mark: “Boundaries are about what is okay for you, not what is okay for her. Share how behavior makes you feel, but don’t control it.”
- Mark: “If she’s using pre menopause as a reason to be mean, it’s not okay for her to talk to you that way. Communicate and understand her pain, but set boundaries.”
- Communication and vulnerability in relationships. 8:16
- Mark encourages men to open up and communicate with vulnerability, especially in their relationships.
- The speaker suggests creating a “Mr. Rogers identity” for men who work in difficult jobs and need to switch to a softer persona when they come home.
- Co-parenting under the same roof after separation. 10:30
- Mark discusses struggling with co-parenting under the same roof after separation, with financial constraints and toxic dynamics causing tension.
- Boundaries are key in this situation, with the speaker communicating their limits and feelings to their ex-partner, while also addressing their own guilt and emotions.
- The speaker describes how they and their ex-partner created a co-parenting schedule to live separately in the same house, with designated days for each person to have the kids and maintain their own space.
- The speaker plans to have dinner separately and not be involved in family activities on their designated days to maintain their own space and avoid conflicts with their ex-partner.
- Personal growth and accountability in marriage. 14:44
- Mark: Encourages the person to focus on their own growth and development, rather than holding their ex-wife accountable.
- Mark: Emphasizes that it’s not the person’s responsibility to hold their ex-wife accountable, as she has her own agency and choices.
- Mark: Suggests that the person should accept the situation and move forward, rather than dwelling on what could have been.
- Unknown Speaker: “Your wife thinks the same about you, and that’s the truth.”
- Unknown Speaker: “Marriage changes when values change, and communication is key to avoiding foxes that spoil the vine.”
- Grief and healing through emotional expression. 20:41
- Unknown Speaker emphasizes the importance of allowing emotions to be real and expressing them in a healthy way to heal from grief.
- The speaker shares their personal experience with journaling and screaming in a hot shower to cope with grief, encouraging others to find their own methods.
- The speaker stresses the importance of acknowledging and validating one’s pain, as many men are socialized to suppress their emotions and not make their pain a priority.
- Navigating marital issues and personal growth. 23:49
- Mark discusses the complexity of grieving and healing after infidelity, emphasizing the need to acknowledge and process both the warrior and tender sides of oneself.
- The speaker recommends journaling as a way to express and understand the feelings, and to shift the focus from personal blame to empathy for the partner’s pain.
- Unknown Speaker suggests having regular discussions with spouse to evaluate values and goals, even if still married (25:58)
- Once separation occurs, family dynamics must shift, allowing each person their own space (30:00)
- Co-parenting after divorce with boundaries. 28:04
- The speaker’s ex-wife left the family, and the speaker became more intentional about spending time with their kids.
- The speaker set boundaries with their ex-wife to prioritize their kids and create a new family dynamic.
- The speaker’s kids have a unique memory of a specific season with their parents before their mom left, and they now have a newly married couple and a new family dynamic.
- Mark encourages listeners to prioritize family dynamics despite divorce.
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