Category: Blog

_{One of the biggest issues I see with men either in the midst of divorce or facing a failed marriage…especially one that involved a lot of toxicity.}

_{Is the STORY they are telling themselves. When trauma hits us the first thing we do is search for meaning. Humans are storytellers. There is a constant dialogue of STORY happening in our minds. We use stories to interpret the world around us.}

_{Think about the last time somebody cut you off while driving. You probably attached a MEANING through STORY to what happened. You tell yourself, “That guys a jerk! He’s just in a rush…PROBABLY because he’s late for work!” That story makes you feel better in some ways.}

_{You feel justified in your anger. But, what if that wasn’t the TRUTH??}

_{What if that guy was racing to his dying wife’s bedside? What if he just got the word she was badly injured in a car accident and the doctors didn’t know how much longer she would live?}

_{Does that change the STORY you’re telling yourself about this “jerk”? If so, you’re not alone. Most of us are willing to change the story we tell ourselves with the more “facts” we have.}

_{But, again, these FACTS can distort the TRUTH.}

_{Here’s the real fact. While that guy may be in a rush to get to his wife, he still has a responsibility to drive carefully and not cause another accident. This is the same way we must view our emotionally abusive and toxic wives.}

1. _{She is treating you unjustly. But…there is NEVER an EXCUSE for ABUSE.}
2. _{She has childhood trauma and is ill-equipped to handle the pain in her life. So, empathy is needed. BUT…there is NEVER an EXCUSE for ABUSE.}
3. _{She still needs to be held accountable for how she treats you.}
4. _{AND…you need to be held accountable for HOW you respond to her.}

At the end of the day, <sub>we are all flawed. Whether you’re trying to shoulder ALL of the blame or NONE of the blame, we both have a part to play in any relationship.

You have a choice. You can play the part of VICTIM or the VICTOR. 

Victims enable abusive behavior (not in all situations like children or people with disabilities). They play the whiner, complainer, and no-action-taker. They are the first to tell everybody about how unfair their life is, but the first to shun responsibility.</sub>

<sub>But, VICTORS, disempower abusive behavior with clear boundaries. They don’t complain about the abuse, they take action to end it. They make commitments and they stick to it. They don’t make excuses for what is happening. They find a way to safely end it.

That’s the part you have to play.

Whether your relationship “makes it” or not, you will more than likely always have some relationship with this woman.

And, if thats the case, the part you have to play is that of either a VICTIM, who enables her, or VICTOR who changes the story and sets healthy boundaries.

So, which part are you gonna play…VICTIM or VICTOR??</sub>

_Thanks,
Mark

_{PS – If you’re ready to start playing the part of VICTOR you should book a call with my Enrollment Advisor and he’ll hook you up with the clarity and direction you need to stop playing the VICTIM and start playing the VICTOR.}

_{Click here to book a time —> https://go.oncehub.com/empoweredman}

The first time I heard those words out of my therapists mouth, I couldn’t believe it.

I mean it started to click. It made sense.

I was addicted to the fighting, the dysfunction, the seductive sex…

I was addicted to my wife.

She was my drug of choice and I was hooked!

While traversing on this journey, I realized that my wife and I had created something called a Trauma Bond.

Trauma bonds are what is created between two people who experience emotional abuse in a cycle. 

Here’s how it works:

– Everything is fine in your world, until SHE is triggered.

– She uses manipulation and verbal abuse to scold you.

– You respond in defensiveness.

– She fights back.

– Tempers flare.

– Eventually you try to make peace and apologize.

– She forgives you for making her mad and caused her to scream at you (see the blaming there).

– If you say anything like, “you hurt me” or “that was not nice” she will do whatever she can to smooth things over and act like it wasn’t that big of a deal. 

***

Because of your trauma bond you aren’t able to see the dysfunction and you are quickly lead right back into the drama. 

Every time you try to escape your brought back into the fighting.

Emotional abusers are known for “baiting” people back into the trauma.

My ex used to always send me texts meant to bring me back into the Trauma Bond we had created.

Once I started refusing it became easier to refuse.

In our VIP coaching program this is just one of the strategies I teach you as you navigate the waters of being married to an emotionally/verbally abusive woman.

Whether you stay married or you get a divorce, you are more than likely going to have some form of relationship with her. So, why not learn the skills you need to communicate effectively with her.

At the end of the day, we can’t do this all alone. But, so many of you are trying to walk this all alone.

You recently saw my ad about my experience with my ex-wife and my training on what had to happen for me to get my SANITY back!

I don’t want you to be like me and continue to take the sh*t from her because you don’t have the balls to take YOUR power back.

If you’re like I was…

You don’t know who you are.

You don’t know what you value in a wife.

You’ve lost your self-esteem.

And you don’t know what a functional healthy relationship looks like.

If you are tired of living like this…in chaos…

Addicted to your wife…

Then we should chat. 

I’ve created a very specific, confidential program for men who are going through exactly what you are going through, right now.

Now, some of you will see this and think, “I should do this…”

But, then you’ll either chicken out or you’ll pretend like everything is fine. 

DON’T DO THAT!

You and I have a limited amount of time left on this planet. Don’t waste it being addicted to your wife.

Don’t waste it being afraid of her.

Stop waiting for things to get better.

Many times we are in these situations because we aren’t making the tough decisions. I waited 16 years before I had had enough.

When is enough, enough?

If that time is now, I want you to find a time on our calendar and have a chat with me or one of my advisers to help you…

– Navigate the waters of a dysfunctional/abusive marriage.
– Create a game plan for either staying or ending your marriage.
– Get clarity on WHAT YOU WANT.

Click here to book a time —> https://go.oncehub.com/empoweredman
Thanks,

Mark Santiago

The Empowered Man

PS – Spots are limited throughout the week. If you book a time, please make sure you show up and are ready to get the breakthrough you need on the call to go to the next level.

Listen, I have a really cool opportunity for you and I wanted to just reach out to see who might be interested.

Recently, I was on the phone with a married business owner. He brought up an idea that I found both profound and interesting.

Most men learn from their marriage mistakes by just accepting that their wife is right and that everything is their fault.

So, they create a plan to change themselves.

But, it doesn’t work…like ever!

They try something, fail, adjust accordingly, try something, fail, adjust… etcetera. (learn by trial and error, right?)

This is how most men are built. They trying to do things ON THEIR OWN until they’ve figured it out. And until recently, I thought that was the right way to do it.

Until I found a better way.

What if it was possible to learn from somebody else’s painful (and costly) mistakes?

What if, instead of losing years of a good marriage, or tons of money on a costly divorce, you could invest a small amount of money and take back your power in the marriage?

I’ve personally walked through a 16 year, abusive marriage. And I’ve walked alongside many men who’ve also experienced what I have.

I learned what works, and what doesn’t.

Now I’m looking at putting together a program that will take you through the last 10+ years of my experience at warp-speed – and I really want to know if this is something you could benefit from.

This week, I’m opening up a few spots on my advisor’s calendar to do Empowered Man strategy sessions.

These are custom “breakthrough” consults for married business owners who want to get their balls back at home…

I can’t guarantee how much longer any spots will be open, but I can tell you this:

If you want the next ten years to look different than the last ten years, and you see an opportunity in talking together, book your spot here before they’re gone.

http://go.oncehub.com/empoweredman

-Mark Santiago